Friday, November 21, 2008

I Am The Darkness

feed the loneliness
serve the despair
so empty and discarded
unloved, unequaled, unrelenting
true madness
cloaked in fiction
bloodstained soul
outlived purpose
waiting to die
no truth left to conquer
age defined
battle tested
each moment another scar
a ghost among you
a shadow cut thru you
I am the darkness
I am the end

fuel the misery
ignite with guilt
so vain and pointless
demented, distorted, denied
foul perceptions
soaked in vanity
the eyes of the god
the mourning of consciousness
newborn prisons
no love left to dismantle
endless spiral
grief infested
forever in the dread
a saviour...
a death...
this is the darkness
this is the end

Original art by H.R. Giger

Friday, November 14, 2008


the day no longer holds a meaning.
can not be held accountable for what may happen.

not a warning,
not a threat
only truth upon lie - lie upon truth.

distant beauty
forged in time
so far from reason

how to continue

angels don't exist.

my pain is not relevant.

what sorrow can there be
if no blood is spilled?
when is the possible
not possible enough?

(Today could be the day when I die.
Today could be the day, when I say goodbye.)

This is how I am.
I will never be anything more.

no truth befallen a forgotten angel

lies, are my soldiers.
faith, my war.

gather all you devils,
and heed my call.
your sweet seduction has turned a mite sour.
your blind obedient stares have lost their focus.

advocate of death.
undertaker of being.
insert god here.

Shadow Womb

long for a stranger's touch
to bathe in your healing shadow
whisper the name only U know
arms outstretched and waiting
pull me in
into your frail uncertainty
careless and deliberate
safe in your sacrifice
devour the need
escape the night
instant reveal
I know no other

lost in your distance
cleanse me of my disease
from so far to so near
eyes pierce the forgiving sadness
guarded and merciless
free of this house of sin
its cage of criminal contentment
no longer a moment can I spare
w/out your angelic gaze
to shame me into a forgotten truth
no longer a thought can I lend
w/out your charms of disconnect
to deliver me of this fake empire
no longer a soul will be
w/out your fallen guise
laid softly at my feet

love thru broken glass
scoured in the bleeding
can you see me now?
alone in your wonder
instant reverence
I know but one other


cold emptiness forms around me,
a black cloak of shameful impurity

The Darkness knows my middle name.
It calls me out.


prophet of my own demise
still, I weep
still, I long
for one shred of your uncaring existence

I would never have left You


I reach for nothing.


The shattered pieces of my abandoned soul rain down like drops of blood from a mortal wound.
The world will know of my pain.
It will shower in the pure majestic bliss of my eternal Misery.
You will feel my loss

Remember me?
Im the Silent Warrior of All that is Love.
My kingdom come.
My will be done.
Bow down!
Upon your knees.

Yes, Im sorry too...

Photo of The Preacher

Sunday, November 9, 2008


What a hollow charade this mortal life,
the unsuspecting lure of what never will become.

Is it all not for the faint of mind?

Pardon my intrusion upon this god forsaken land.

Is it too much to ask even for a moment of your precious time?

Love is the folly by which all other lies must compare.

Our end is the stalker,
waiting like an impatient child

dressed in Misery,

and despair.

Storm Shelter

What of the storm that never comes
What of the promises never kept
Can you tell me of a fallen angel, the morning star
Can you feel what they say can't be felt
Can you hear all that never a soul was meant to hear
What will you show me
that I already have not seen

It's almost over.

The storm that never was will come again.
And all will not be forgiven.
And all will not be found.

Will someone come from the shadows
to bless this hollowed ground
Will someone come from the stars
and make a path to reason

Alone for one more day
Alone for all to see

The hour weighs down upon us.

Can no longer breathe this poisoned air
Can no longer bear
the sound of your voice
Must make my own way
Have it all wash over me
like the blood of a million dead souls
begging to be fucked one last time

The storm that never was
may never come,

Before her breath could touch me
Before her hair could drape it's long warm blanket of mystery upon me
Before her words could no longer sting with the force
of a thousand tiny needles,

I saw a chance.

After the blades were pulled from my back
After the ringing had shattered my ears
And after all is said and never won,

I heard a rumor.

I felt a love.

And I became,

Another victim.

Photo of Zorgh

Monday, October 20, 2008


Memories are ghosts,
haunting every burgeoning desire.
Dreaming up new religions,
anointing undeserving hosts;
none whom can inspire.

Guilt trips me at every turn.
"There are no strangers here",
only fragments of time littering the path to a graceless eternity.
The way home I can no longer discern.
Lost in the sweet addiction of visions that blur the mind,
and tempt the fear,
this can no longer be.

Brush away the ashes, roll aside the sacred stone,
"He" is risen,
an atomic explosion of a chaotic sunrise.
Witness in near perfection, this blind resurrection,
of harmony's misguided attempt to atone,
& the careful retelling of unimportant lies.

"Bring out your Dead!"
"Bring out your Dead!"

Silence from a mind in constant wonder,
is this the rebirth?
Is this the love once promised?

We are all but passengers on a deserted train,
headed for nowhere, melted down,
& bled dry.
In deep trance,
paralyzed, lobotomized,
no purpose,
no will to become...stronger.
Summon the holy one!
These are words written upon the winds of vain reply.
Kiss the curse they invoke.
I am no healer.
I am no forever spirit.
I am, no longer.

Art by Georges Rouault

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Becoming The Machine

Walking into our future image of what we were meant to be
from dust to divine
Ash to Metal
Plugging in - Plugging out
Becoming The Machine
Entranced in the Quest for Perfection,
All gods estranged.
All flesh contained.
In need of connection,
We dance with strangers.
We seek justification of our being.
Is this what we came here for? Is this why we stay?
Will someone please shut the fuck up,
even for a moment?

There will be a day
when the man will become borg.
a day when man will become what he's trying so hard to run away from.
Stripped down to the bare ESSENCE of His Unholy Existence.


Will we still be bored to death with ourselves?
or will we just be STILL BORN,


DIVINE, yet forever


Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Unlimited Penetration
Hints Of Futility
Prevention Of Paradise
Love - Greed - Freedom
Lust For The Essence Of A Concept
The Concept Of "Real" Life
(Before, During, & After Death)
Personal Absorption,
In Pleasure -
& Misery - & Self - & Nothing
- & Nothing


At Will

my hollow soul
beckoned to feel her warmth
but thy will is strong
such will deserves more
than what it is, and why
the urge,
to go further
to the core,
of our desire.
persuade me not to go
though intolerable, are the implications.
false words, and a timeless gift,
all joining
I must go.
I yearn to see, to hear, to feel,
all that is to be.
I mustn't doubt my expectations.
I should plunge carelessly in
free of regret
ignorant of sin,
to the core -
but thy will is still very strong
and such a will deserves even more,
than whatever could be,
and why.

Art by Fenrir

This World Is Not Chosen


strange movement
subtle, but direct
the walk
more movement
sarcasmic pledges
to previous "ups and downs"
a game
a big lie
the draping of an arm around a waist
a quest for a way out
the hardest and easiest part is over
critical journey
more words
more pledges
same game
more lies
the placing of a hand upon a desired area
the closing of the same hand, squeezed firmly
a yelp, then a laugh
they're on their way
a door opens and shuts
a bed makes two new friends
all three lose their skins
- and bare their souls


"What do you believe in?"


I dont believe in believing
I dont believe in believing
I dont believe in believing

It's not that I dont believe in god,
or the devil
or rock n roll
or him
or you
or me
I just dont believe in believing

nothing you can tell me
will change my mind
Im not lost - Im not blind
Im not found
I am here - I am there
I am up and I am down
I am everywhere and all around
Im not you and Im not me
I am god - I am free
Im whatever I say I am to be
Im not here for you
Im not here for them
Im here for me
(why reach when you can teach)
(not to preach but why reach)
(and if you were to reach, why worship some stranger,
some thing that doesnt even exist?
why feel the need to worship
when its you who does exist - at least, who needs worshiping,
at least the occasional "pat on the back"
- at least, at least)


eliminate the middle man
and soon you wont be able to resist
that overpowering urge to be Jesus himself

so when you ask me what do I believe in
its not that I dont believe in anything -
its just that I dont believe

Art by P. Lapiedra
Photo of Zuleidy

A Love

a love massive, and mannerless, and matterless
a love magnificent, and misplaced, and marvelous
a love meager, and meaningless, and morose
a love mesmerizing, and magnetic, and mindless
a love mistimed, and mirage-like, and messy
a love mere, and monstrous, and made
a love moving, and mythical, and mean
a love molested, and muffled, and mixed
a love motherless, and mind-altering, and mute
- and missing

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Dawn Of Violence

The death that lies between us
lost in the dark shallow instant
of forged discovery
We keep only what is useless
can you hear the whispering?
The pure touch of it?
Let us bow to its revelry.

Indulge in Nothingness.
I have become all I have feared
I would become, and more.

No shadow would dare follow me now.

Taken All,
what once was so innocent and enslaved in beauty
and delivered upon it the gentle rages
Of A Madman,
come to life
in all its ugly mischievous brilliance.

The Dawn of Violence has been awoken.

god only help you now

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sheltered Wing

Plastered by the emptiness.
Solitude has never been so fully endured as it has today.
The life I live leads ajar,
and praises it's ignoble fray.
No poet or thought it bring,
no song or diamond ring,
shall bid this hollow shell astray,
it's sheltered wing.
No work of art or fancy car,
no hint of inspiration or theft of time,
can deliver thy,
from such this sordid hell.
Pent-up for mere inklings of reprieval,
secreted, diminishing,
a one way path to certain,
and sincere upheaval.
Dowse the bitterness, the loneliness
with whatever pride that doth remain.
Angelic whispers elude my reason,
and sever the tricklings of thought into saltless, colored rain.
I remember. I remember it all,
and nothing.
I remember it's emotion,
though not it's time.
The words I used
and the gestures I made
stand helpless.
The mind sits alone.
What once shined so brightly
is now only shade.

Was this ever my home?

Art by D Bruce Yalton

Be Not Our Bother

Let the tree’s be our shelter.
Let the wind be our a/c.
Let the sun be our light.
Let the sky be our art.
Let the rain be our shower.
Let the grass be our bed.
Let the animals be our children.
Let the moon be our god.
Let the air be our skin.
Let the dawn be our inspiration.
Let the birds be our music.
Let the flowers be our toys.
Let the ocean be our pool.
Let life be life,
And love be love.
Let death be love,
And love be life.
Let the man beside us be our brother.
Let the woman be our wife.
Let the earth be our mother.
Let the stars be our father.
Let all life be lived as life,
and let the rest, be not our bother.


Confusion is constant.
I attempt to wonder my way out.
I slam my head against the wall
insisting the pain will leave if I do this.
My throat burns from all this screaming.
It's not me I say, It's not me.
If I could realize that it is, even for an instant,
I think I'd be alright,
but I couldn’t be sure.
I could never be sure.

I wish someone were here.
Might they put an end to this Misery,
or would they even care enough to ask what was wrong?
The wall finally cracks or is it my head?
I can't be sure.
Will I ever be sure of anything again?

I feel so dirty. I must get clean.
The water in the bath beckons.
It seems so pure.
I climb in slowly.
The water rapidly turns a diluted red.
And so I live, once again.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Man does not speak
w/ words alone.
Man does not walk
w/ mere bone.
Man is,
& only is,
if he is at all.

Life is
& only is,
if it is at all.
Love is.
Love just is,
if it is at all.

Man does not live
by life alone.
Man does not love
w/ mere bone.
It all is
& only just is,
if it is at all.

I Have (What Else)

I have written no word.
I have sung no song.
I have spoke no language.
I have whispered no truth.
- I have dreamed no silence.

I have fought no fight.
I have raised no flag.
I have shed no tear nor drop of blood.
I have hailed no leader.
- I have embraced no peace.

I have scaled no mountain.
I have reached no star.
I have held no secrets.
I have enforced no lies.
- I have faith in no god.

I have witnessed only desperate joy.
I have celebrated no glory.
I have mourned no suffering.
I have loved no life nor being.
- I have wonder no more.

God, - It's an easy way out, isn't it?


Pour me over you.
Feel me,
melting into your skin,
your hair
your eyes.
Im no longer a man,
no longer a lover
no longer human.
Im within you,
a spirit
a muse
a lie.
Feel me come within,
the tremors of my quake.
You flutter.
You wince.
You shake.
You enter into another world.
You wonder what it could of been,
that permitted me to do this -
and then its over.
You lie still, unbothered.
The time of the universe seems to be on your side,
all material problems forgotten
almost laughed at,
as they gently float away.
But then you ruin it
distracted by its purpose.
Like a foolish little girl - you look for me
but Im not there.
You run to the window - call out my name
but Im not there.
You break open every door - and scream for my presence.
Still, Im not there.
You cry,
though a tear doesnt fall.
You collapse,
though a knee doesnt bend.
You wonder,
yet not thought resolves.
In time,
you will realize,
Im you

Art by V. O'byrne

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Curse the indignity, inherit the suffering
live, thru the shame.
The dream is neither lost nor forgotten.
It is ignored, & I am diminished, humanized.
Saviour to no one, a blind witness
helpless to a monster of doubt
and it's circle of isolation.
Where is the tempter, the seductress
to lead me out from under these mortal restraints?
Forsake this maddening life
and it's sense of persecution.
These bars are wearing thin.
Cast out the demon song.
For there must be purpose,
there must be reason.
And Love.....
Relevant of yesterday
Faith in tomorrow
The hollow charade of the common day
Loss and sorrow
Threatened into a constant urgency to do something,
anything that could matter
and free us of our
eternal helplessness.
Exorcise our conscious being from death's unshrouded heart
The darkness that haunts our dying prayer
The only evil here is uncertain inevitability
The unforgiving stranger secretly bestowed below our brows.
If there were to be nothing, I must ask
why would there be anything?
Mankind, merely machine made of blood, brain & bone
oblivious to it's own creation
far from infinite and possessor of nothing?
Or the spawn of angels
mind raped and w/ amnesia of the soul
held silent by the promise of damnation?
The truth will never be.
And God....The Love
I have felt it's breath
pale & distant
void of sacrifice
absent of forever
It keeps us warm though never safe.
The spirit is cold & always alone
afraid & confused
suspicious of everything
We are beasts & demons.
Not gods. Not innocent.
We sin to know we are alive
unable to love enough to know
we are not dead.
Our peace is waiting,
we are so conditioned to believe.
And Life...
The glorified offering
Let it be known
from star to shiny star,
it has been refused.

Art by JJ Andre

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Harmony Of Despair

Cry out into the faithless night
Bow down upon the fallen souls
Extract no meaning
but hear their voices
Symphonies of The Damned
Become one
w/ many.
Shed the skins of all safety & solace.
No more balance.
No trust in anything, again.
We are the only one true witness
& we call upon your name to deliver us
not from evil, but from salvation.
Saviours we have, in expendable supply.
- The promises of forever can not eclipse
the dread of today -
It is now we stand in blindness
bound by shadows that has kept
our hearts cold,
our feelings numb.
The secret must be revealed.
All will be forgiven.
Becoming many, w/ one.
Overture of Sorrow
Bleeding is Believing
Forget & begin yet again.
The Birth of a God
Pleased to meet you New Born King


Deny forgiveness
red curls of hair
Deny truth
pale skin
red lips
I dare you to forgive me
evil pure one
crooked visions
narrow detail
Deny all &
respect the urge
and surge
into your being
into your death
I'll suck our your soul
make your peace
I'm coming
bathe in the waste
the divine shower
I swear to your existence
I suffer at your feet
I kneel at your altar
Deny no more
flesh for thought
flesh for flesh
slayed & sacrificed
new religion
new life
I beg you for my forgiveness
stealing your shadowy virtue
convict me
resistance is futile
deity to the stars & beyond
beyond even you
I'll swallow you whole
the creator is waiting
He will wait forever

Art by R. Hillebrand

Life No More

Can't find my way to you
Blind in the dust
Feel too much
Want to sleep it away
forever if needed
Life no more
Quiet calm deliver me
Sick & twisted
contorted to truth
Want to kill
when I wanted to love
Want to die
never wanted to live
not once
Life no more
Surrounded my eyes w/ purposeful intentions
meant to distract
Filled my hands w/ play things
& kept them clean
Washed away the blood,
& the grief
replaced it all w/ a smile.
Life no more
Life never was

Art by F.S King

Gothic Beauty
Dark & Sinister Purpose
The Beast Within
Sweet Taste Of Blood
Draped In Death
Stalk The Heavens
A Life Embraced
Feeding Time
The Night Beckons
Dark & Sinister Purpose

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Held Loosely In The Arms Of No One

Lips burdened.
Eyes hidden behind fences of skin
walls of fear.
I touch you like imprisoned humans touch
& nothing more.
Buried in the losses of the past
sustaining only for losses of the future.
I am yours to create
yours to destroy.
I ask only, for you to be gentle.
Hands that leak of hesitation -
arms, legs, escaping in near perfection
the oblique realms of tiny scavengers.
The tune you whisper so freely is a pleasant one.
Still, I have heard better.
Teased in fiery display of movement
w/out conscious effort for control
sound w/out use for words
I forfeit the promise I swore to keep
& become father to your pain
mother to your desires,
a groping prince of need.
There's more to life than life itself
or so I will say
when the monster's breath
is dark & heavy
& I am held loosely in the arms
of no one.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The World is a Dying Species, Left Ungreeted by The Promise of True Humanity

No More Grand Espcapes

No more Grand Escapes
No more hidden illusions
No More
phony tears
No more anything
at all

The lonely being
of a
lonely man

His lonely words
His lonely gestures
His lonely silence
His lonely life &
His lonely departure
into his lonely reward

stop me.
stop me
before I hurt myself.
Stop Me
before I hurt anyone else

A Harboring Of Dreams

Shine me atop
a mountain of cool burning desire.
Feather my disease, this lonely despair
& take me into you cloak of thieving
love-chilled arms.
But I distress.
& so undress
my unconfessed deep unrest.

Will it be an undoing of philosophy
or a fusion of poetry

Will the ghosts of our past be awoken
or will the prophets of the future claim
only to have been joking

Swell me w/ your temptation

Just life & all it's indifference
Just life & all it's indifference
Life & all it's indifferences

I can't.

Art by James Porto
Death is my Advocate
Love is my Disciple
God is my Revelry
& I am but the child
of a sweet distant Harmony.
Kiss me, & know
of my Pain.

The Difference between Love & all else, is Inspiration

Splendid Notion

Splendid notion,
from ajar of thought
to trembling hands.
Our song is the lucidity of morning,
our passion the night's willful victim.
So beloved, this infant desire
& instantaneous, these fallen links of
of flesh ravished chains
- no truth escapes me.
For the bars to the windows have vanished
the locks on the door renamed.
& be still this soulless fire
Be still these hungering tears
Be still,
& beware
the pouring down of our reign.
Be still, & be warmed
by the lone dark desert
that is my love.


Art by Galba Sandras
No more dreams.
Tired of the emptiness of these arms.
Dare I wonder, to hold u
No more living, w/out the subtle grace of your lips upon mine.
Dare I wonder, to kiss u
I awake only to a dawn born from your eyes.
Dare I wonder, what it is,
to love u

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Discovery (The Undying Heart)

even the brightest
of all undying hearts,
but one truth is constant.
The Higher The Light Reaches to Shine,
The Darker The Shadows Fall.
And to believe,
and to have faith,
to merely hope,
is to not know.
(uncertainty is the breath of all we decide)
And in this delicate fusion of life & misguided hate,
nothing is neither good nor bad.
There is only Love & Death.
(separation is invisible)
All that is left is all that we seek
in this mortal instrument of the soul
adrift -
a single flower in the fragile guise
of Discovery.
The dream, though changed,

Friday, April 25, 2008

Insanity is just a transference of emotions from one reality to another

Death Of My Heart

Saddened by your unconquerable beauty
when all it leaves me is helpless, & so alone.
The day will come
when I will shield my eyes
& breathe in confidently this torturous earth
& exhale only what is to be
the breath of a new & wondrous creation; possibility.
Where I am no longer the aspiring hero of
"O what such great distraught!"
no longer a grieving spirit forsaking emotion,
pondering illusions
no more the cowering victim of such magnificent froth.

I was the soul you would kill for,
die for,
live, & yet live again for.
But who am I today
& who was I just yesterday
& who will I again be tomorrow?

No one can hurt me now.
No one can touch this.
I have felt the death of my heart,
& its all around me.
Encompassing, & black,
& leaking-
of faithless purity.

Art by Katarzina Widmanska - "as nothing dares to worth"

I fear not the illusions of man, only his reality

To Defend The Past, Would Be To Honor An Illusion

A Conjuring Of Perceptions

A conjuring of perceptions
The fragmented dances of unarmed natives,
helpless to realization
A tribe for the animal mind
A naked girl touching death
whispering into its deaf ear
stroking the perimeters of absent desire
unaware & unconcerned
of its impotence.
A fat man sits in the corner
parading the echoes
of this constant despair.
Death leaves,
but only for a moment
& a breath is caught by all.
Must capture this modest thrill.
Must conceive of a.....
Too late. Too late.
"Only The Dead Are Free"
Dance on, & cling to the night's
shameless beauty.
It's Happy Hour.

Art by Stephen Lorber

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Fallen Hero

Fallen hero
Undressed, a non-entity
No will to call upon
Gone w/ the stillness of a silent discovery
Its death, to love
& life, to regret
Take it now!
To the temple we run
w/ steel in hand
Tripping over consciousness
tolling tin cans of hope
mighty thoughts of vision, promise
now constant notions of disillusionment.
aimless little bastards.
No more secrets
It is out.
Born a fool
Die a coward.
& so this is how it ends.
The imprint is carved.
The truth awaits.
Mortal, indeed.
Alone, no question.
.....To the altar, we sigh

Art by Alexander Zhitomirsky


Beg me to hold you
in my arms forever.
I need to bath in a warm embrace.
I need to hear a quiet song.

Come to me my true one.
Set me free to dream
in your frail wilderness.
I need to laugh. I need to cry.
I need to listen w/ wild surprise.

Whisper to me your strains of wonder,
thoughts asunder.
I need to drown in a tempest of love.
I need to wake this forgotten soul.

Turn me away my precious child.
Leave me astray to wander
in your pale sacrifice.
I need to run. I need to fly.
I need to escape in soft denial.

Tomorrow's Hand

Tomorrow's hand
A lie away
"I always walk like this when Im naked"
Please no more.
"Its just a man thing"
No. No, stop.
Tell me who do you look for
when the light breaks upon
the shredded remains of the night gone by?
Who do you seek in the calm of a new morning?
"I search for my truth & comb the air w/ strange expectation"
Does it touch you?
"I...I dont..."
Do you let it?
Do you try & touch it before it touches you?
Do you know its name?
"It has a name"
What is it?
What, Is It?


Im sorry.
"I know."

A Lull In Inspiration

Faith is trust w/out reason.
- who's carrying who? -
I look around this empty room
& all I find are empty thoughts
guided by empty needs.
Who am I to reason?
Who am I to run away?

- Substance over Symbolism -
(put your flags away)
(bury your crosses deep into the earth)
Scattered pieces of my tortured soul
lie naked & burning in the blistering heat.
Who am I to beg forgiveness?
Who am I to doubt your name?
"Is it truth or metaphor?
Nirvana or just another door?"
u cant tempt me.
(u - cant - tempt me)

O where is Jesus to wash my feet?

I could walk thru a crowd of millions
& never see a soul.
I could dream a thousand dreams,
make love to a hundred,
& never once speak of love.
I watch, though I do not see.
I listen, though I do not hear.
I touch, but I do not feel.
I breathe, but I do not live.
(I run, yet I do not fear)
Lift me up, hold me in your arms
& carry me away.
It is time.

Fountain Of Creation

from the Fountain of Creation.
Suck it dry. Suck it dry.

It takes us so long to grow so little.
An entire lifetime spent learning,
feeling, waiting...waiting
...& waiting.
For what?
To die?
To be reborn?
Only to die again?
There is no fear of death
to be compared to the fear of life.

No matter how much we love
or think we love,
no matter how much we are loved
or think we are being loved,
we are & will always be alone.
Always alone.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


no this isn't happening
prisoner of my own mind
fear is darkness.
thrown w/ the speed of a raging hurricane,
to nowhere & back, over & over.
no this isn't real
prisoner of my own time
fear is hell,
but contradiction is in all things.
freedom tattooed to my forehead
I march to every extreme -
to every little girls soul -
to every dead man's heart
to every mind ever to have thought
ever to have endured pain
ever to have loved,
but I march alone
& I do not do it standing.
I am on my knees
& I reach in years what it takes most to reach in seconds -
no this isn't at all
prisoner of my own freedom.
fear is fleeting.
I am but a child's toy at it's mercy
but tonight I am held in it's arms.
tomorrow, I could be forgotten.
this is the fear of us all
prisoner of my own indecision
my own insecurity, my stumbling fate
my stained purity, my humbling emotions
my fain decadence.
the child is I
(the child is I)
I must learn to put my toys away.
I must learn to care for them as they would've learned
to care for me.
I must learn. I must learn.
not for the sake of knowledge
but for simple need - simple need
these are the bars to my cage.
yes this is happening
& I am but a prisoner of this happening.
though I do not understand it
nor do I think I ever will.
I accept it as life & as life
I accept it w/ one eye open
one eye closed -
one hand raised above my head reaching, wanting
one hand tied behind my back
& another hand,
whom I've yet to meet.

Love Is Insanity

She slips into my mind a welcome intruder
teasing, tattering, turning me on.
Each motion a conceived plan
each word a velvet hand
soothing only what I allow
myself to understand.
She falls without the knowledge of safety
without the concern for failure.
Im impressed.
I envision us alone in a life
of paper value & mushroom philosophy.
It doesnt stop me from wanting her.
Worlds I can deny, dreams I can forget,
reality I can insist is deception.
Neither can survive each other's death,
neither can master the pain of regret.
She lands between the shadows of my thoughts
escaping beautifully this foolish cry for love.
I offer one final plea,
one secret gesture
extending my hand & so much more.
She takes it , gets up,
& just walks away.
Love is insanity

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Scattered thoughts streamlined
across a pale horizon
a decoration of a still outrageousness
jerking its way into a blissful coma
My god is dead
& Ive seen no truth
For what do I have left to question
What do I have left at all
The streaking of silence
A parade for pretension
From mere memory
to near moments
I climb these walls every passing day
searching for evidence
that I once have lived
Shattered notions falling
upon a dark illusion
One to & thru another
Ive lost all color
We will walk this earth together
never in loss of our immortal lies
& in failure to dream
of a love inescapable

Oppression seeks to purify.
Tolerant of its way,
I concede to the indignity
& step safely around the shadows
it creates.

"Born To Burn"
The flag of conscience tattooed
within what little purpose remains.
Enshrined until death, and decay,
it saddles its truth upon the source of my strength.
A brilliant scar
artfully drawn by a nameless face
pronouncing all that is dirty, & vile.
A loose claim to the throne
of disease & mindless futility
What gloom?

I Live.

"God Help Me"

Monday, April 21, 2008


Strength in a whisper,
Beauty in a sigh
Stranded in the yearning,
Dying once again held softly
in the arms of a blackened sky.

The savior speaks a fragile voice.
"Nirvana is Alive",
but shrouded in darkness and a forever away.
Suffer the love, endure the pain,
sacrifice the need for meaning.
Wonder only confines,
escapes the eyes
& runs free of the mind.
Lies, can be redeeming.

What is hope without the promise of heaven?
And nothing more.

Breathe life into deaths soul,
only to choke on the bone.
Silenced. Defeated.
Summon the poet child,
naked & insane
obscure & alone.
Return, & let go.
This will be the last of time's futures.


Shy god

"so much knowledge, so little purpose"
Tomorrow will be Thursday.

It is waiting.

Love's creator.
The equal of...nothing.

To what do we owe this life sentence of Misery

Bust these chains.
Damn this power, of guilt,
& freedom,
& to hell w/ spiritual quests.
Eat the mind (erase the memory)
Feed the flesh (fondle the fury)
Serve the soul (soothe the silence)
" but a shy god"
Tiresome indeed.
Black is the color of these thoughts.
"Black is beautiful",
but only to gaze wearily upon,
not to experience,
not this way.
Tomorrow will be Thursday.
Why the need?
the wall?

Art by Xagamus


dark angel.
pure life.
delicate song of innocence.
savage beauty.
the warmth of wonder.
the peril of purpose.
to speak would be to lie,
to move would degrade.
cant touch
cant run
aspire to fear.
all that is heaven,
& love,
is death.
how quickly I die.

photo of Zuleidy

Can it all be for the want of love?

The simplest of all solutions
can not escape me...


promises. promises.

my lips are welded shut
words only weaken me

I must leave this place


Let The Games Begin.
There is no Love in This World...

only confusion...

only doubt...

only pain...

Who Dares 2 Question
This only Truth
of Life

Saturday, April 19, 2008


A woman has no shadow.
An eagle is w/out sin.
Born from dirt & stone
we dance with tears in our eyes
& love w/ hate in our hearts.
Bewildered by the bewildered
living only for fear
pointing guns at our heads
& then softly handing them to our children.
We deserve to die.

Creating our own perfect illusions
suffering the lie of reality
dampened by the folly of our "dreams"
Each new dawn
a portrait of our promise...
A demon of divinity
an angel of anguish
questioning the relevancy
of our unseen souls.
We only know what we touch.
The conception of it being , or feeling
what is good or somehow "right"
opposed to the strangeness of concluding
that it is not.
Knowledge yes, is deception,
yet that deception is only known
thru knowledge.

(I have no more questions)

Drowned by the blood of our failures
& still we reach for the impossible
still we seek to solve
the mystery of the obvious.
The God Lives.
The stranger within our eyes
We are the soul.
Each, a piece of the wisdom
Each, a piece of what is forever
yet there is only the darkness to comfort us
only the frail touch of indecision to shelter us.
We never change.
We merely adjust to the progression of our time,
& of our keepers child like tampering.
Primitive fools.
Can it all be so elusive as to not even wonder why?

I have, no more questions.

Friday, April 18, 2008


Bearing children takes away
the freedom of the individual spirit.
- To Give Life, U Must Destroy Life -

A woman's love
is the sun in winter
the moon at night
but the closer you become,
The heat will burn you
& the light will confuse you.
She is the Goddess, the Genius,
Garbed in diamonds & fine silks
upon the throne of forbidden kingdoms
beyond man's reach & understanding.
She watches,
while you lie naked & dumb.
She devours,
while you stand tall
& admit defeat.
Love, in the name of pride.
Scorn, in the defense of fear -
I am hers
& cry endless tears
because of it.

The Day Will Come.
(the day will come)

"To Give Life, U Must Destroy Life."

that is my plan.
that is my hope.
that is my battle cry.

Singing hymns to heaven,
paying homage to hell.

It is the only way.

my child.

Still Life

She looked me in the eye w/ a caution unsurpassed,
intently searching for what she hoped would be there.
But it wasn't.
My arm hung loosely, draped, & leveled,
over & in & upon
the cars' creaking door
Afraid to speak -
We lingered deeply into confusion
& knew whatever had brought us together
so gently & quiet
had turned into a
rabid dog of doubt & discontent.
- She began to walk away
but something stopped her.
She looked me in the eye again
searching further, desperately digging
but again,
it wasn't there.
She reached for my arm and rubbed it hard.
Up & down my forearm, wrist, & then
softly the back of my hand - almost consoling me,
until she was gone.
Never have I loved any more.
Never have I hated any less.

Art by Bouguereau

"LIVE Nude Show" 25 cents a peep

The souls of my shoes
The fingers of a glove
try to hide all that I feel
The long strands of dark black hair
The rejection of it all
The pollution in the air
Lives and dies only to conceal
Leathers and chains - denim, lace
Designed to contain, & to warm
This cold & lonely chase
But it fails. It all fails.
Words that hug in eerie embrace
Sounds illustrating escape
But to where?
This is how it is done?
Well excuse me if I appear too......feeling.
I haven't seen a really good sacrifice
in a long long time.
Must I be required to apologize for my love?
An unburdened sigh and heads turn.
A full hearted dive into the perverse, & the absurd,
& all it can provoke is a dance of strangers,
& a tear to my eye.
- The souls of my shoes
The fingers of a glove...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Gate

Let me know the Glory.
Let me feel the Passion.
Allow me to Die.
Wave me along side the rest
(the ones like me)
Ask, w/out emotion - mute concern
If I know who I am
If right - Grant me the will
to be my own,
& to build a new and profound
state of unquestioned happiness
A structure for which
Peace be it's only Law
& Love it's only Guide
Heaven. my Heaven.
If wrong, the pain of my Death
must be endured thru out all eternity,
subsiding only for the anniversary of my Birth.
For it was on that day & only that day,
that I knew How to Live.
my Hell.

This is where it all will begin, and End.

The heart of a woman
The soul of a man
The wisdom of a god